MATTERS of THE HEART

There's a stage in people's lives when no matter how marvelous things are really going for them, no matter how much they enjoy the wonders of singlehood, no matter how stable everything really is, the inevitable days will come--the days when they will suddenly realize that hey, there are actually a lot of options. There are actually a lot of people they can associate themselves with. There are actually a lot of people they can call their significant other.

These are the could-have-beens of one's life. The ones they don't intend to be together with [probably because of the number] but had they insisted, would have made it possible. The ones they find themselves so interested in, for reasons ranging from one seeing him/herself on that person to one feeling attracted to the other's interestingly different personality to one falling for the complete package. And no, these are not people they just imagine, but real people who have crossed his/her path. The neighbor they hardly talk to, the classmate they always borrow notes from, the store owner they have always found appealing, the professor they have admired from afar, the workaholic who spends time with them, or in many cases, the friend they always kept their real feelings from.

And then they realize that these could-have-beens are too many for them to try one by one. So instead, they just consider them and treasure them even after they get married.

If lucky enough, they bump into these "prospects" once in a while and then they say to themselves, "This could have been my partner." And when they get home, they lie awake thinking of the counter-factual. "What would have happened had I ended up with him/her? Would I have been happier?" That's probably where answers begin to differ. But for the lucky ones, they realize that these could-have-beens do not equate to their greatest love. They're just simply, for lack of a better term, the ones who could-have-been in their current partner's position now. And yet, had that happened, it wouldn't stop their counter-factual thoughts---about the other could-have-beens, that is.

For the lucky ones, they realize that these could-have-beens are better off in that position, one of the few that must remain untouched.

After all, daydreams change when reality sets in.

So sometimes, the best way to keep something special is to leave it where it's at.

This thinking of the could-have-beens will probably never stop. Even though people give chances to those they think are the musts of their lives, these ideas of the could-have-beens will pop once in a while.

And while these could-have-beens bother their thoughts on an occasional basis, I think it's not really because they are in love with each and every prospect but maybe because, the wonders of daydreaming is really powerful, and of course, as always, it's the thrill of wanting what one does not have.